What a change 4 years bring

I wrote this lovely "muse" and then lost it thanks to the wondrous blackholes in the internet. I will try to reconstruct it because it was important to me. Basically I was pondering all that has changed in my life and my wife's in the last four years. We finished school, made changes in our careers, met and got married, moved and started a new stage of our lives--all in a very short time. And yet in the last four years, I never would have guessed how wonderful my life would be--I was overwhelmed with grief most days. My parent's car accident was four years ago and I haven't stopped missing my mom for one day. I wasn't even sure how to go on with my life then and I would do just about anything to have her back and a part of my life. And although that is not possible, I am really okay as a person. Even the work I do has changed since the accident. If the accident never occurred would I still have become a chaplain? I will never know. I do know that it makes me a damn good chaplain and I love my job even when I don't really like it. I honor my mother with every patient and family that I help in their tough moments. Her life and her death have meaning and signifiance every day. Usually this day I would spend some time at her gravesite and try to clean it up and chat with her there. But living so many miles away that is not possible today. So instead I share my thoughts with you and reflect on how I helped people during my shift in her memory. And I plan that garden in my mind waiting for the proper time to plant those marigolds.