Hi ho, hi ho...

I am at work--all night tonight. I hope for a restful night but ya never know what you'll get. I am tired already at 9:30 PM, so I think I will watch a little TV and then try to fall asleep soon. I hope I can rest there is so much I need to do when I get off work before catching our flight to NY. I haven't packed, will need to shower, etc! It will all work out one way or another. :) So I wish you all a wonderful Winter Solstice, a Merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, and an amazing Kwanzaa! I'll be back before New Years...see ya!

Yeah...we got our wish!

Both yesterday and today we were able to inseminate. The follicle was gone as expected this morning so we are hopeful that at the very least we are on the right track again. Went to acupunture again today and I still love it. I think that has made all the difference in my ability to ovulate. Diana and I did Christmas and Hanukkah presents today which was fun since tomorrow night I am working overnight and then we fly to NY come Thursday night. Fun, fun!!!

Ahhh...some hope.

Well, my ovaries look better this month which is great news. The right ovary has never shown any follicle activity till today. The ultrasound shows much less cysts as well as an almost ripe follicle. So I did the shot to push it to be ready for insemination tomorrow and hopefully Tuesday as well. We haven't been able to inseminate for the last two months so this is a real relief to us and we have hope again. Whether it is the diet, the pills, the tea or the acupunture--I am glad they are working and making a change in my body.

Oh fun quiz--I knew I was young at heart!

***You Are 29 Years Old*** Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. What Age Do You Act? http://www.blogthings.com/whatagequiz/

Snow!!!

Diana and I are in upstate NY visiting friends of ours and I am totally enjoying the snow! Actual, I can't write much now, cuz I need (want) to go outside and help shovel the snow so we can go out and get a christams tree!! Yohooo!! What fun!

Better place

I am at a better place these past couple of days. Last night, Diana surprised me with having friends meet us at the bowling alley for a belated birthday party. What fun! It was great to see Shirley, Cora, Karen, and Bones. I even had my best game ever with a score of 145--printer was broken so I have no proof other than my word and Diana will vouch for me too, of course. :) Diana is still sick, so we are taking it easy this weekend and cleaning up so the house is ready for company and the cleaning crew.

Roller coaster continues

Well, I was starting to feel better and that my mood was effected by PMS and my accepting that I will have a hard time getting pregnant and that I need to face that I am not as healthy as I used to be naturally/without effort. I guess it was a little bit like an early mid-life crisis--I say that jokingly, but it was about facing my own mortality. With PCOS, I am at high risk for developing diabetes, miscarriage, heart attack, etc. There is no reason to feel that I WILL have any of that, but I need to care for myself better through my diet and exercising. I need to work on those issues also if I want to become pregnant--so it is a win-win situation. So...why are some days still blue days--this week has been really hard. I am doing better with the healthy eating, but was disappointed this week when I didn't ovulate one good size follicle and couldn't inseminate this month again. And I did take that step over a week ago and called my father, and then called him again this past Monday--to which he has not called me back. Sunday was also my birthday--I have not heard from him about that either. I wish it didn't bother me that he didn't send a card or call--but it does. I wish I didn't want to see him at Christmas, but I do and will (want to)--and it is hard to accept that he doesn't want to see me. My in-laws, my aunt and uncle, and friends in CT are great in being supportive and caring--and I am very thankful for having them in my life. Anyways...I guess a have a few things going on that have me a little blue. The pregnancy thing I will keep working on and I am trying accupunture next week to help with that. My father--I will deal with my feelings and make decisions when I am ready about how much will I continue to try to keep connected to him. And everything else is really going fine--work, the house, my beautiful wife--all good. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to feel better and more grounded again in myself and my life with Diana. Hope you are doing okay too.

A bit down these days...

I don't know know if it is PMS, the fall, feeling old, or plain old not feeling well from the meads and diet changes--I is not a very happy camper right now. I am sick of wheat and feeling sick to my stomach or hanging out in the bathroom more than I care to be. I think I have been obsessed with this diet thing and need to back off a bit. I am driving myself crazy. I am feeling very old with my knees of late. I did goto the doctor and had x-rays, turns out it is not my ligament like I assumed but that my knee cap doesn't track right and is grinding and pulling the muscles in odd ways. Indeed that explains my pain under the cap and all the muscles around. It has gotten to the point where I can't cross my legs it hurts too much and I have pain throughout the night. I have to either sleep on my back or stomach to have my knees straight so they don't hurt as much to sleep. Well, that alone could explain my feeling cranky--continual pain will bring it out in anyone! Anyway, I goto physical therapy tomorrow night and I hope they teach me how to tape my knee to relieve pain and allow me to exercise it properly. And then Friday night I am on-call. Ugh. I already feel wiped out and am worried my knee pain will be worse after pt. to be on my feet extra the next day. I hope it is not a busy night and I can rest it. We do have fun plans this weekend with people from Diana's job, game night. But then I am helping with a memorial service at the hospital, which is not so fun. I will need to cook something up to have fun with after that service before the weekend is over. And the following weekend is my birthday. Which I have mixed feelings about. At least I didn't get a card from my father saying happy belated birthday, uh two weeks early. Maybe this year he will remember when I was born correctly. Or who knows, maybe he wouldn't remember it at all--hard to say. I need to call him and see if we can hook up when we are next in town. I keep putting it off as it can be painful for me to try to connect and not have it work out. I will work up the courage soon. Maybe even today.

Happy Halloween!!! Oooooooh!

Happy Halloween! Here's Diana and my handiwork for your enjoyment. Looks great outside and the seeds came out wonderful.

Sugar busters and meds...

Well, no follicle this month--so we can assume the meds I was on to help with ovulation weren't enough. Therefore we are now onto new things. A diet to reduce sugars and bad carbs which get turned into sugar and medication to get rid of those pesky cysts on the ovaries. I didn't realize how much carbs I eat and like until I started to pay attention to cut them down as much as possible. I am wimpy when it comes to changing my food. I like so little to began with, it is hard to make changes and cut things out. I will do what I can and see what happens. The weather is great here right now. I spent time outside this weekend, still mowing the lawn and picking up leaves everywhere. Spent two hours and had to stop my back was killing me. The yard looks better, so I am happy. Went shopping after visiting a friend at Super Target!!! Ooooooh, very nice. Very big store! We shan't go there often, spent too much. :) Love ya all--chat later.

Week is not as busy as we hoped...

Well, the week has been busy work wise and emotionally with taking in the feedback from the consultation and work-related issues. But here it is Saturday morning--had hoped to be ready for insemination today, but haven't scored higher than low fertility so far on the monitor. I wonder if I will ovulate at all this month. If nothing happens by Monday, I will go in for an ultra sound and see if there is any follicles or not. I could be running later than the past few months--we hope. Other interesting news--I have been willing and even brain-wise able to play Scrabble lately--much to my wife's delight. The handicap points help me (sometimes) feel like I am not lost in her dust :)

Monday went well

Except for the fact that it is 5:46 AM and I have been up since 4, I am fine. Yesterday the consultation went fairly well. I realized part of the way through that I was doing okay and handling their questions fine. I didn't always agree, but was able to say that without getting defensive. I usually struggle with getting defensive and did a great job not going there this time. They gave good feedback both in affirming my abilities and in tips in how to read something clearer. So all in all a good trip. Just wish I could get my brain to stop trying to process it over and over. I need to sleep to be able to be conscious in services today.

Good news...

Well went to the doc today to check on my ovaries. There is no cysts this month--which is very good news. I still have the poly-cyst thing going--but there is no large one that will confuse us later when we are looking for a follicle. So now we wait for the ovulation test to say I am at peak and we try again. Will be at least 8 more days before that. In the meantime, I have work things to focus on. I go before a committee for consultation about my process in the training to be a supervisor program on Monday in South Carolina. Tuesday will be celebrating the New Year with Diana in synagogue--which is very cool service. And then late in the week insemination time. So I have a busy week coming up and in between will clean house, yard, and paint more too. Busy, busy. I will also enjoy some wine! But not whine! :)

News...

Well, I waited to be sure but the verdict is in very clear--not pregnant. My period did start today and the urine tests before all said nope. So I was upset over the weekend and took yesterday off from work--called it a mental health day--and feel much better now. I actually feel more optimistic about future tries and believe I will get pregnant soon. So I will finish painting our bedroom, which I started and didn't finish the trim from last summer. And I will enjoy a little wine and diet soda for another two weeks. .......On a totally different subject. I must say we love the new Showtime show--"Weeds"--so funny. I will miss Queer as Folk and 6 Feet Under. But love the line-up on Showtime. Huff, Weeds, L Word--are all great! I am also giving House a try and will try the Commander In Chief to see what that is like too. I love to see what a woman in office might be like and I love Donald Sutherland as well.....But with the cooler weather coming this weekend--I will love being outside and doing yard work and not worrying about passing out from the heat and humidity. :)

Another month goes by...

Well, I didn't get pregnant last month. It was harder than we expected to hear that news and we have been less excited about this month's try since we hated the big let down. This month brought interesting twists as I had a cyst in the beginning and we weren't sure if was the cyst still or a new follicle that showed up in the ultrasound when it was time to inseminate. We hoped for the best and inseminated that one day. We came back the next day and did another ultrasound to see if the "circle" was still there. If it was in the same place, then we won't inseminate and we would continue to believe it was the cyst--which would complicate my process a lot. We were lucky, it was gone and we are assumed it was a follicle and we tried insemination again on that day. So....now we wait. I can't tell much since the hormones they put me on to build up the lining in my uterus causes similar side effects as pregnancy brings on--if what I feel is from the pills or from a developing baby. I sure am crabby and have some mood swings this time. Less gas, which I am happy about. It is weird to get excited about feeling nauseous in the middle of a meeting or walking through the food area at work! Other not so disconnected news, Diana and I bought a new mattress for our bed. I felt like my back hurt every morning for a while now. So we took the plunge and bought a mattress. Boy are they expensive. I also figure we will need it with us both trying to get pregnant for the next couple of years. It is so comfortable--now I am going to really hate working overnight at the hospital and sleeping on the lumpy couch! Oh well...I will let you know next week whether the test shows we are pregnant or not. If "No", then we will try again with me and see what happens. Keep those prayers and well wishes coming.

I am the gas queen.

I never thought I would be the gas queen. I burp day and night right now. Very long burps too. The progesterone I am taking is making me very burpy and crampy. I hope the spermies did a good job and found the egg or this is just tortuous to be on the hormones and trying to build up the lining of my uterus for nobody. We don't care what the sex is most of the time, but have moments dreaming about a boy and then about a girl. Girl names have been easier to come up with some we like, boys have been harder but we finally got a few we like. We won't share the names until the naming ceremony or the bris seven days after birth--so don't ask--we won't tell. :) I have been good about drinking more water and Diana carried in the heavy groceries today, just in case I shouldn't lift too much. I don't know when I am supposed to start avoiding things but am trying to be good. So now I won't drink the diet soda I had switched to to reduce the empty calories--I wish Coke would make a diet with Splenda that was also caffeine free. And I wish other diet sodas were made with Splenda. Anyway...it will be over a week before we know if the insemination "took" or not, so in the meantime we are trying to keep busy without being baby obsessed--I don't think it is working. :)

Spermies! How fun!

Hey, I know it has been forever since my last post. I certainly have been overwhelmed by groups both observing and being involved in them. Everyday all summer I have been in at least one group and sometimes at least two. I have felt mostly brain-dead by the afternoon and trying to do paperwork. So now that the groups are over it was nice to stroll around upstairs on my floors and visit with patients and staff too. Very cool. But the coolest thing is the title above. I completed the medical tests needed and we picked a great sperm donor. Diana and I actually had the little critters placed in me over the weekend and now we wait and see if they found the surprise egg hiding in the tube! We are not sharing it with lots of people yet--but yeah I figure if you are still checking to see if there is new news on this blog--you deserve to know! So we should know something by the end of August. We will either be getting geared up to do it again in Sept. or jumping for joy that I am pregnant. What an amazing process. Diana (and I) will make a great mom and I can't wait. I have mostly finished painting the baby room and she is willing to finish it if I do get pregnant right away. If we aren't and need to try again next month, then I will finish painting and be able to have diet soda and wine again for 2 weeks. (The wine and soda are not to be consumed together in the same glass, in case you were wondering. :) I will update y'all soon as we know.

Happenings

I have been so busy with the start of my next level of training. I spent hours observing the new interns and then hours in my own groups. I hardly have time to visit patients. As strange as that is, it has been nice to add something different to my schedule. And then on a personal note--Diana and I are busy searching for the right donor and I am completing on the medical tests. I have health eggs--Yahoo! Now waiting for the next tests to come back and we shall see what happens!

Almost done with this past unit...comes summer

Hopefully I am just about done with my final evaluation for the last unit of CPE. I can't wait to be done with it and have the pressure of getting it ready over. But then I am leaving for NY as gram is not doing well and is in the processing of dying. I respect the decisions she has made and pray for her to be at peace. The family has been great gathering around her so much. Diana has been there for a few days and I miss her like crazy--but am so glad she has had the chance to be at gram's bedside. So I will whisk away tomorrow to join the family as well for the rest of this week. The summer unit doesn't start until the 31st. The interns I will be observing start the week before and I get to do some of the orientation with them which I enjoy--so that is good. The baby stuff will be on hold for a bit, but we will reschedule it soon.

Too long between posts--sorry

These past few weeks have been so busy. Today is my third on-call at the hospital in 8 days!! I am so tired I slept through the noon service I was supposed to lead. Yikes!! I can't wait until my overnights slow down to barely at all. My mind, body and relationships suffer. My dog is alone at home and my wife comes back from a conference to be alone without me still. I tried to switch, but being Mother's Day nobody wanted to be here. So I have to wait another 24 hours before I can see my wife. I miss her--she is wonderful. I know, I know--so sappy. I am allowed since it hasn't even been a year yet since we married. :) Anyways...not much else to say. I hope to get to the grass and flower garden tomorrow after work and the doctors. The weeds are starting to get as big as the flowers and that can't be good. :)

Out of sorts

I am a bit out of sorts today at work. Gram is in the hospital and we were stressed yesterday at how badly she was doing. Today is a better day for her and I am very thankful. I am working overnight tonight--so I am tired and don't want to be here. I am hoping for a slow night and maybe Diana can visit and bring me healthy dinner. Otherwise I will go to MickeyDee's for sure. I hear the fries and hot fudge sundae calling!! I realized today that I have not been to a funeral since my mother's and it is easier personally to be in the hospital dealing with other's experiences of death--and being able to walk away from the situation in an hour or so. I guess that is normal, but I dislike the feeling nonetheless. I took a nap and hope that helps my mood, otherwise it is better for me to not visit patients unless necessary. I will miss her when it is time for her to transition from this life. She is an amazing woman and the generations that come from her are as well. I was reflecting on how beautiful the whole family is and I was in awe of her descents. I am proud to be in this family.

Water can be deadly..

But more importantly, may Terri rest in peace finally. And may the other residents at that hospice, briefly freely now that there wouldn't be crowds outside fighting for someone else's life. I am so thankful we have hospice programs that care and understand that end of life care is not abandonment or neglect but is just that "care". I also want to say to those 48 or so people who were trying to get in and save Terri's life by bringing her water--ah, get a life. If by some awful error of security you did manage to get inside to give that water, please know since she can't swallow--you would have killed her. So mind your own business in places you don't understand what is happening. And I urge everyone--make out a Living Will--so no matter where you fall on the side of this type of ethical dilemma--your wishes will be known and followed.

How do they do that?

Okay...I have given up and am asking for help in formatting these blogs. I have found other blogs that I enjoy and want to list them down the side, like other sites do--but I haven't a clue how to do that. I enrolled in Blogrolling, or whatever it is called but that didn't do what I thought it might. I am feeling old right now. The young ones are running circles around me with this Blog thing! Yikes...I am getting old. (sigh).

More of the same...

1. First off some more good news. This past weekend, we were trilled to spend time catching up with folks in CT. Tow of them were pregnant women. The one was starting to have contractions and I knew it wouldn't be long before the little boy would decide to start the next phase of life. And so today we heard--little Athan (Ethan with an A) entered into this world on Sunday afternoon in the afternoon. He is healthy and well and nothing else matters!! 2. Second...bad news...I am still distressed by the state of our nation that is involving itself with the Terri S. situation. I truly pray for our nation, courts, and hospitals that wisdom and compassion surround and fill us wholly in this time. Let the woman die with dignity, please. Enough is enough. Life is more than limbic brain spasms. Medicine is a wonderful gift of wisdom and skill. Its can also be torturous and misguided. Political circles have enough they have to attend to without getting involved in something like this. And where is the justice in singling out this one woman. If we (they) are so concerned about life and death issues than focus on the bigger picture and really make changes. This is not the answer or the manner in which to make public policy. A fellow chaplain stated that he finds it very odd that G.W. Bush who is rallying for this one woman and her "right" to life; is the same man who has the record of number of inmates executed while he was in the governor's office. The two differences in behavior are something to take note of. His involvement is not due to his concern with this woman's situation. And therefore he needs to excuse himself and keep on with his vacation plans. Thank you very much. And on other sad news....more sorrow in this world with the shootings at the high school in Red Lake, Minn. Too much suffering for a community of people already fighting injustice every day. My heart is touched by their sorrow, which is greater than this shooting incident which has brought them to our attention. Let us not forget all the pain they have endured as Native Americans.

Happy News and Distressing News

My Happy News is about our weekend trip--we had such a good trip to the northeast. Seeing friends and family and enjoying northern food was wonderful. Our friends wedding reception was also great fun and it was good to see Diana's old co-workers. Lots of pregnant ladies to chat about their journey with too!! Distressing News...the news of the day I find very distressing. What makes our president think he needs to be involved in the situation in Florida. It is bad enough to have his brother Jeb sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. Here's the news quote..."Bush had cut short a Texas vacation and flown back to Washington to be available for an immediate signing. "Today, I signed into law a bill that will allow federal courts to hear a claim by or on behalf of Terri Schiavo for violation of her rights relating to the withholding or withdrawal of food, fluids, or medical treatment necessary to sustain her life," Bush said in a written statement. " What happened to ethics consultations happening inside the hospital and not in our congressional settings. I rather trust doctors and other medical professionals to understand ethical situations than our elected officials. Please, involving them is a recipe for destruction and abuse.

Great news and point of frustration too.

Well, as some of you already know. I was accepted into the S.I.T. (supervisory in training) program. Although I finally cleared this hurdle, what is brings me are just more of the same type of hurdles for the next 3-5 years. But the process has begun which is great! As the staff here figure and plan, I will know how my work load will change and the overall plan of things. But for now they are busy with other immediate things and won't start planning until next week sometime. My frustration comes from the director on my site that has yet to acknowledge my acceptance. I am trying hard to not take it personally and remember the reading I have been doing in the Four Agreements and that agreement #2 is don't take anything personally. Well said Don Miguel Ruiz!! Now I just need to practice it more. I will be in CT this coming weekend and am trying to line up visits with as many friends and family as possible. So I may be contacting you shortly to make plans--forgive the last minute, please. I gave my father time to respond to me before asking others about their availability. That is always a mistake, but I felt as though it was the right thing to do. He is busy and unable to see me and hopes the next time I pass through we can meet. I must tell you I have not seen or spoken with him directly on the phone since July 11, 2004--my wedding day. We have left messages but never reach each other. I am very disappointed and saddened by this. My boss can be fatherly in more than one way. And I don't appreciate being treated as though I didn't matter or that I am invisible either. Shame on you Geoff and Gene, my boss. I am better than that. :) I look forward to being back in CT and seeing people and having good pizza again!!

Today is just another day at the office...

Okay, today is important and my meeting is still on . The meeting is the last step at my local center in the interviewing for Supervisory in Training. I won't know whether I am excepted until the 23rd of March. So the process lingers more and more. And so to help me relax and not get defensive I am trying to treat today and the meeting as nothing special and be grounded. I am more there than full of anxiety so it is working a little bit and I will just keep focusing until my meeting is over. :) Tell ya all more later.

A week already...???

I can't believe I haven't written in a whole week. This on-call I am now has been very busy all day. The night is better so far--but I woke up after only 3 hours sleep and can't seem to go back to sleep. So I got up and wrote up my reports and are playing now on the internet. Now that I am in the 2 educational unit of the year--we have changed groups and all my group learnings and process is with the other 2nd year residents. And it is much better!! I enjoy the lectures again and am learning. I love my three students as well and they are doing well so far. Soon I will hear if and when I will be entered into the supervisory in training program officially. It better be good news or I will feel my time has been wasted here. I will be surprised if they don't except me--I am just worried they may say let's wait a little or go super slow. The 11th will be the big day of knowing--I hope it isn't put off any longer. I am off now to brush my teeth and face the units again to check on a few patients--and hopefully than I can sleep again for a bit.

Big Plans today and I am working out my decision

Ohhhh....we are going to see Sweet Honey In The Rock today with co-workers. I can't wait to see them and enjoy their music. The other item is I finally started preparing for baby and getting healthier in general as well. I have put on more weight since the wedding even and it doesn't make me happy. So...I am finally mentally geared up to start working on it. Taking vitamins, drinking more water, less soda and less sugared soda too. We will go exercise this weekend as well. And I am taking my temperature daily to help get ready for possible insemination this summer. Next week I will call to get an appointment for a yearly exam and whatever else needs to happen. What fun!!

Love Thursdays!!

I just finished with my 3 practicum students and another lecture/orientation session with them. I love it. They are eager and ask good questions. I can't wait till next week and see what happens when they begin visiting patients and have examples they can relate to. I wasn't sure how much I would love teaching--now I know it makes a huge difference for me in loving my job as well. What fun!!

See bald can work!

Good for her--Melissa Etheridge showed that bald can be absolutely stunning. She looked great and sounded amazing at the Grammy's. Way to go girl! And love that the Christian rap artist who walked away with 3 awards and performed live as well. Very cool. I also wanted you all to know I fired my therapist as for my 3rd session, she cancelled my appointment because she got too busy being away the following week. Say what? Done with you and on to find another. And I wasn't sure if I was being too hard on her. :) I have posted here and it got lost and then I get frustrated and don't try for a bit. I will keep at it so don't go away disappointed just yet. Luv ya!

Thoughts..

The weather this past weekend was wonderful. I finally had some time to work on cleaning up the branches knocked down by the ice storm and the recent rain storm. Diana and I gave Doc a hair cut with clippers and he is a little funny looking with his hair not all the same level anymore. Oh well, hopefully we will get better with practice. It helps save money, but Diana won't let me clip my hair top save even more money. I guess I should be glad she is looking out for my best interest. Who knows what I would look like bald anyway?! Back to Law and Order...

Some interesting news I found today...

...Psychology Today had a short story about people who are sleep deprived are fatter. There is some correlation to appetite, cravings, and lack of sleep. And I wondered why I was gaining weight--it really is due to CPE and my 24 hour shifts every week! Now only I need is a correlation between intelligence and weight loss I would be balanced. Heehee. Diana comes home today from her conference and I missed her very much--so it will be nice to have her home again. Doc will be all over her too I imagine, he hates it when we aren't both around. Well, I better get going I have a few things to do before my honey gets home!

I am happy!

I worked an overnight last night and I am so happy--I slept! No more calls after 9 PM for me. The last call was around 9 and she could be seen in the morning, so I decided not to go and start to relax. I was even able to lie down around 10 PM and asleep not long afterwards. My body and soul needed that quiet night and some rest. It is also nice not to be bitchin so early in the morning too. :)

I am paying for this!

Okay, so I just realized this is quickly becoming my "bitch page"...sorry about that. I promise to write something more positive soon. But first as I was saying.....I need to see a therapist for my chaplain training. Okay that is fine, I have been in therapy before and loved it when I had a good match with the therapist. So I start up last week and plan to go weekly in the beginning to get established and then down to every other week or whatever works. Last week, session 1 was very good. Liked the therapist and I had a good sense we could work together well. This week, session 2 not so good. She was 20 minutes late due to traffic and she had a migraine and was not present for the session. The next session is her make it or I am looking for someone else. I am not paying out of pocket to have someone not pay attention to me--I can find people to do that for free! Thanks anyways! Okay. I feel better. I just needed to get that off my chest. I am going back to Law and Order reruns and my glass of red wine. :) Hope your day was better than mine.

Will go anywhere for fondue--even through ice!

We have plans tonight to eat with another couple at the Melting Pot--love the fondue!! Anyways, we have power and the Pot has power so we will head out carefully to eat dinner. The problem is the ice, snow we could drive in just fine. And up north there would be millions of snowplows out putting down salt and sand on every roadway. (Okay not quite millions). Here in GA, they only do the interstate highways...forget all the other roads, there are not enough trucks for that. It was fine to be home all day. I am still recovering from the on-call night from hell and spelt most of today. I am feeling better now and not so wiped out. Hope I don't conk out at dinner, that wouldn't be pretty my face in the bread and apples plate. Teehee. Anyways...miss you all and hope you are all safe tonight.

Living up to my sign on name...

I am a reverend seeking wisdom tonight. This has been my worst experience on-call. The parents who struggled to make the right decision about their unborn child discovered the worst nightmare possible. After the doctors removed the child that was not able to sustain life, the mother crashed. The doctors worked hours to keep her alive. Then they finally pronounced her. This warm and soft-spoken man lost both his unborn child and his wife tonight. The whole hospital wept for them. I actually had to leave the room where the family was sitting because I could not contain my tears any longer. I wept. There was no justice for this man. There was no way to console him. So I search for wisdom all night and for a long time....

Quick thoughts

I am sorry it has been a few days now since I last posted. Work has been crazy enough that I haven't had a free moment or an open computer long enough to post anything. Yesterday the full moon certainly wrecked havoc on pregnant woman. The problem with working at a hospital where so many are born is that there is more perinatal deaths too. Unfortunately, we don't get called to celebrate much and are called for the losses instead. Anyways...I had a great interaction with a Muslim family and I just loved working with them and will be working with them again today. I miss the diversity of the northeast. Although to be fair the city is diverse, we aren't very diverse in the chaplain's dept. But I do my part whenever the opportunity arises. I am on-call again this week (tonight). So I will be able to post more later tonight unless all hell breaks loose here.

What a change 4 years bring

I wrote this lovely "muse" and then lost it thanks to the wondrous blackholes in the internet. I will try to reconstruct it because it was important to me. Basically I was pondering all that has changed in my life and my wife's in the last four years. We finished school, made changes in our careers, met and got married, moved and started a new stage of our lives--all in a very short time. And yet in the last four years, I never would have guessed how wonderful my life would be--I was overwhelmed with grief most days. My parent's car accident was four years ago and I haven't stopped missing my mom for one day. I wasn't even sure how to go on with my life then and I would do just about anything to have her back and a part of my life. And although that is not possible, I am really okay as a person. Even the work I do has changed since the accident. If the accident never occurred would I still have become a chaplain? I will never know. I do know that it makes me a damn good chaplain and I love my job even when I don't really like it. I honor my mother with every patient and family that I help in their tough moments. Her life and her death have meaning and signifiance every day. Usually this day I would spend some time at her gravesite and try to clean it up and chat with her there. But living so many miles away that is not possible today. So instead I share my thoughts with you and reflect on how I helped people during my shift in her memory. And I plan that garden in my mind waiting for the proper time to plant those marigolds.

Living in the south

Well, it has been a little over 6 months now since moving down south from the northeast. I have missed friends and all kinds of familiar places from work to pizza places, etc. (They can't make good pizza here nor good bagels. Bummer!) At times the weather has not been much different which I found very surprising and a little bit depressing. What is the point of not having any snow but still having temps in the 20's and even colder in December. Of course a few days ago it was in the 60's--I didn't complain that day. But, today even with the temps in the low 20's and very windy the south is spared the big snowstorm that hit the northeast. It sounds so pretty to me 18 inches--I love snow and will miss sledding and watching the dog try to walk around in it. Doc has never seen snow (best I can tell) I bet he would love romping around in it! Oh well. The good things about living down here is the days where it is 60's and to know spring is around the corner. I look forward to working on the yard and hope to plant flowers and fix the yard up a bit. Of course, I need to hurry before it gets too hot for me. :) The humidity can be real bad. I want to plant marigolds the most. That will be my memory garden for my mother and I can't wait to start planting. Soon! I have been looking for a bird bath here an there but never found anything. Maybe this spring I can find one at a decent price. Diana and I have also talked about creating a butterfly garden too--all of this together could make a wonderful spiritual place. Oh well, enough daydreaming for now. Ta ta.

First Day

Hey there...I thought I would join the craz of posting thoughts and whatever. I will try this for a bit and see how it goes. Today, I am at work so I never know that the day will bring. Hopefully it will be boring--which means people won't be hurting so much and no deaths. Tough job being a chaplain in a hospital. My job makes for bad dinner conversation. Unless I hang out with other chaps or their loved ones. :)